The Book Thief.

I took Addy to the library for the first time last week.

I’ll pause while you gasp for breath and steady yourself so you don’t pass out from shock.

It’s weird I’m sure, because of how much I love books around here.  And how often I go to the bookstore.  And how much I covet my Kindle. Books are the best.  But me and the library have a dark and sordid past.

Once upon a time I was in college.  Kinda.  I was a part-time student and a part-time office person at my mom’s job.  And before I decided I was finished (shoutout to Kanye) I took Literature from this fantastic professor.  I mean he was amazing, except for that time he gave me an F-, but that’s another story for another day*.

Anyway, we hit the Greek mythology portion of the syllabus and I got excited.  I’ve been a Greek mythology fan since 3rd grade. So whatever the assigment was, required me to go to the library for research.  Cool it down youngins, this was 2003 and the world was a different place.

I checked out a book on Medea.  The horrible wife of Jason from Jason and the Argonauts.  Jason leaves her.  She kills the kids and puts stones into her housecoat and walks into the ocean or something along those lines.  I never finished the book because I lost it.

When you are a poor college student you spend your money on Ladies Get in Free nights outfits and Jack in the Box tacos.  I was finished with school when I got a letter from the library stating I owed them a bajillion dollars for the Medea book. But Express had sales and I made bad decisions and people in their mid-20s ignore collections letters.

Fast forward to last week when we were reading about Curious George and he went to the library and tore shit up in true George fashion.  And Addy goes “I want to go to the library” and I knew I was probably going to end up in Federal Prison or something.  I didn’t even know if they would let me in there or what would happen.

So we go in on day after I pick her up and she’s browsing the kids section having a good time.

And I was like well great I’m gonna have to be a deadbeat parent and tell her we can’t get the books or just hope I got to go to Club Fed where they sent Martha Stewart. She found a book on all the Tinkerbell stuff in Fairy Hollows and you know how much she loves Tink.

We go to check out and I was like “I need a new library card” and I hand over my license and just wait for the sirens.

Librarian: There’s a hold on your account
Me: [feigned surprise] whaaaaaat
Librarian:  You have to pay $80 if you want a new card

So then I had to pay the $80. WILL COLLEGE NEVER END?!  But now they have key fobs and Addy got a card too.

Then she’s like “You can renew the books online and you can check out up to 50 items on each card”. WHY WOULD I NEED THAT?

Anyway everyone cross your fingers we can keep these four books in one spot for three weeks.