So @chemgirljaime and @PishPosh were having this Twitter conversation I totally buddinsky’d on about how they would just go to school or volunteer if they won the lotto. That’s admirable. I would not.
Brownlee has these elaborate dreams where he wins the lotto and spends the money responsibly. Like goes and buys a house in Memorial or opens his restaurant and franchises me a Starbucks that I can manage (and probably simultaneously put out of business with all the free drinks I consume. I’m the manager. Who’s gonna stop me?). Then his businesses make money and Tia Gene is the nanny and Addy learns Spanish. Ok that’s nice but I can’t come up with something that elaborate when I’m awake, let alone unconscious.
Let’s say I won $10 million. That’s not a bad chunk of change right? So I’d pay off any debt and buy a car and house and whatever. I’m sure there would be a list of people I’d kinda help some. And I think I would need an entourage (yeah! Oh yeah!) to go shopping and travel with and stuff. That would be great. I’d probably just take a leave of absence from work cause what else would I do after a few trips? Just spend money. No bueno.
But what if you won that crazy kinda money? Hundreds of millions where you can just pay people to stand in line and slap them. Don’t think that’s possible? Ask a co-worker or friend how much it would take for someone to just slap the shit out of them. They have a number. Start low. Like $100. They’d be like “hell no!” Then go “what about $1000”. They’d think about it. All “wait, slap me till I actually shit or just slap me real hard.”
“Just a real hard slap.”
“$1000? Naaaa.”
“$5000?”
“Just a slap and that’s it? $5000 cash or I gotta wait for Wells Fargo to clear it.”
“Cash.”
They’d give you an answer. You might have to keep climbing but eventually you will have their price. Unless it’s Bella, but whatever.
I’m not saying I want to win the lotto just to slap people, but after a certain amount of money I would just do ridiculous things. I would hire Morgan Freeman to explain the universe to me (I’m mildly obsessed but highly fascinated with his Through The Wormhole series. Plus he’s never been younger than 52 so he knows everything). I would get Christopher Walken to read my tweets to me. I’d spend most of the day reading blogs and I wouldn’t quit blogging because I love it too bad.
But I wouldn’t be like “I meant to check in but the internet in Milan is soooo slow, you know what I mean?” because who would really know. That’s why I didn’t ever care to listen to Watch the Throne cause JayZ and Kanye are too rich for me to understand. Going gorillaz? What is he saying? What does that mean? And don’t tell me it’s provocative, they’re just making up some of that stuff.
I mean I’d donate to charities and communities and do some good mission stuff. I wouldn’t be so rich I wouldn’t carry a purse (I swear Beyonce doesn’t carry a purse), and need body guards. But I would come up with crazy stuff to do.
How much money would it take for you to lose your mind spending it? What would you do with $40 mil? $100 mil? A milly mil? How much for someone to slap you in the face? Remember that YouTube video of the chicks doing it for like concert tickets?!
http://youtu.be/o_psomRhMOQ
OMG they get $100??? I so might line up people to smack when I win the lotto.
Oh haha! My last lotto plan was for 40 million so I have that pretty well mapped out. And if I was crazy crazy rich, I would have to feed starving people and give them AIDS meds in Africa and demolish dictators and end clitorectomies and annihilate the Taliban and invest in women-first businesses and worldwide literacy programs AND WHATNOT. But yeah after that I could support this program.
And what? I'd get slapped for $100. Not hard, but like maybe a mild slap. Medium even. Shoot money is money man. Take a slap, go out to dinner. Heck ya! I get hit in the face in martial arts (accidentally) all the time. I might as well get paid too, son. I'd take a full force non-shit-your-pants from a woman my size for $1000, and I'd take a slap from an adult male for maybe $5000. Hello, $5000 is 2 week long all expenses trip to Bermuda. DONE.
Lol @ “I’m not saying I want to win the lottery to start slapping people” .. That made me laugh so hardcore!
After watching smackfest, I've decided that I couldn't get slapped for a mere $100, but I'd probably do like $500 or front row seats to see somebody I really like (read: Wayne) in concert. If I hit the lotto though…man…I'd like to think I'd do practical things, but I know me. After visiting a financial planner and a tax lawyer, it'd be on & poppin. Bottles of shit I can't pronounce, private jets, shopping with the Kardashians, and daydrinking every weekend…lol. Oh, and you know…I'd donate to charity and stuff. 🙂
This is great because I've always said that I don't need an excessive amount of money because I'd slap people. But I'd probably quit my job and slap someone if I won $50,000.00. Yep. Tha's all it would take.