28 Weeks Later

its tuesday. 28 weeks. i think the fruit is still eggplant or whatever. it’ll change next week to some other fruit or vegetable that i have no knowledge of. the emails say MP is about 2.5 lbs and as big as a chinese cabbage. oh thanks a lot! that really helps. i live in america. and all i can picture is a cabbage patch (doll and dance).

we had our doctor’s appointment today. i had to take the glucose test. i kept hearing horrible things about the drink that it was chalky or super sweet. topped with the fact that i had to fast and have been getting faint from time to time (most recently yesterday at the mcdonald’s around the corner from work…more on that later) i was kinda freaked out. but we go in and the nurse hands me the drink. it was only 10 oz and tasted like acid punch. that cheapo fruint punch DRINK they tend to serve at kids birthday parties (back when parents gave their kids high fructose corn syrup) that you can get at like Watkins for 59 cents a gallon. or you could get a case of those barrel kid sized punches with the foil cap and you were super thirsty and drank it too fast and it kind of burned your throat? it tasted like that. so i drank it, and then went in for the regular appointment.

heartbeat is still at 133. blood pressure totally fine.  i had questions about birth control (because i’ve been watching I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant), pediatritians, inductions, and registering at the hospital.  the nurse had a few questions that would go in line with a birth plan, like if i wanted an epidural available (check the hells yes box please) and we had to sign a form about HIV testing. and she gave us a list of pediatritians.  like i knew from reading that now would be a good time to research them but once she gave us the list it’s like wait i’m only pregnant, why are you telling me about baby doctors?!?!?!?! but they send all their patients to this handful of doctors and i’m just supposed to call and see if they 1) take my insurance and 2) are accepting new babies around march. seems simple enough and some are actually in the same hospital but still. i have to get a baby doctor.

i told the doctor that i had been feeling faint from time to time. she wasn’t too worried since it’s totally normal during pregnancy because the quickest movement can drop my blood pressure or silly me isn’t hungry and the baby is and my body is telling me to eat. yesterday i had my jimmy deans and a ceral bar and went to get lunch about noon and got dizzy at the counter and freaked the little hispanic lady out.  they brought me some water and my food and i felt better as soon as i sat down and started eating some of the fries.  and the little counter lady was all “chu got the sugars?” and i’m like “what i’m 7 months pregnant!” and point at my stomach but she didn’t seem to notice.  so i sat in there for an hour and managed to eat 2 orders of fries, 2 spicy mcchickens, and 2 medium powerades.  i guess we were hungry :S.  some of the bumpies say they have been eating protein bars so i might go pick up some ensure shakes and keep some of those fitness bars or whatever in my purse. and stay hydrated. and take it a little slower.  i need to work on the connect between the part of my brain that knows i’m pregnant and the autopilot part that just thinks i can up and do things or i don’t need to take a few steps back from the fridge when i open it because i have grazed my stomach more times than i can count.

then i go to the chipper black lady that takes the lab work to get my blood drawn. and she’s all “oh my look at you!! you’re so cute pregnant. you should get pregnant again.” do what?! so i thank her but remind her that i can only be pregnant so long, eventually i have to have and raise a baby.  and i set an appointment for dec 28th because now i have to go in every two weeks!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!?

then we go downstairs to the maternity ward for pre-registration. it’s best to get whatever paperwork we can get filled out done ahead of time so i’m not trying to fill out forms while breathing though contractions.  the girl was friendly and typed everything up for us.  she asked me who to put for emergency contact and got a kick out of singing “call tyrone”.  then she hands us the form to fill out for birth certificate info. birth certificate of WHAT?! we didn’t have to turn it in we just have to bring it with us when we come in to have the baby. but jeeeeezus.  at least it says “black/african-american” now instead of “negroid” like brownlee’s certificate says. what a difference 30 years makes.

but we did get to learn that they let daddy bring the baby out to the lobby to meet and greet family. so now i need to work on my bat signal that will let everyone know when to come to the hospital. i don’t want everyone in the lobby for hours and hours but i do want them to get to see the baby, so i’ll work on that plan and let everyone know what the protocol will be and have my mass text list ready and what not. i think. the best laid plans of mice and men…ariel can finish the rest of that for you.

so if there’s a problem then the doctor will call me friday or monday with the lab results. if not then they’ll discuss everything in 2 weeks at my next appointment.  yeah ok whatever that’s fine but who’s going to help me with the important stuff like the baby doctor! holy crap! i’m sure by tomorrow i’ll be calm and collected but right now i still can’t get past the fact that i have to have a whole baby doctor.

oh also, when you get to the maternity ward at our hospital, they have to buzz you in. it’s secure like that. but let me warn you now that “i need to get up in here” is not the proper way to gain access.  ask brownlee about that.