Root, Canaled.

I got a root canal.  Whatever that means.  Dentist Lady and Dentist Assistant explained it or whatever but I was too nervous to really care about what they were saying besides “numb you real good” blah blah.

See what had happened was that when I was 18 the dentist told me to get my wisdom teeth taken out.  And I was all “okay sure” but being 18 got in the way.  Yadda yadda yadda I went a couple weeks ago for a consult and was like “oh hey Surgeon Dentist, while you’re in there I cracked a molar so…what can you do about that”  “Oh no no,” she says “I don’t do that. Go to Regular Dentist.”

So I go to Regular Dentist who’s basically a dick, and he’s like “I told you to get all million dollars worth of things I told you to get done two years ago”.  And I shrug because he’s really not the boss of me, and he goes “well you need a root canal so get that done first.”

And I say “fine smart ass, do it now.”

“Oh no way,” Regular Dentist replies.  “I’m waaaay too much of a dick to do something like a root canal.  That’s soooo 12 years ago.  See my buddy Dentist Lady.”

So this is two dentists visits and nobody has even brushed my teeth.

I finally go to see Dentist Lady and Dentist Assistant takes XRays (seriously why do they think that tiny cover will protect me when they need to go all the way outside the room to take the picture).  She explains the procedure and all I’m like is “how much is this”.  The out of pocket is surprisingly reasonable so I go for the drugs.

And she’s like “your blood pressure is kinda high are you nervous”.  Really Assistant?! Of course I am.

So I slide on my iPod and put the Black Keys on repeat and wait for the drugs to work.  Then the right side of my face gives out and Dentist Lady comes back and they go to work.

I thought the drill was going to be unbearable, but it wasn’t even as loud as the tattoo gun.  Yay.  And it only took 1 go round of Brothers to get the whole thing done.  They removed my glasses and put some shades on me so I kept my eyes closed.  When I did peek out, I saw smoke coming out my mouth from some sodering tool.  I swear it, so I immediately shut my eyes back.   Then I felt something warm and I peeked again and I swear she had a hot glue gun in my mouth.  Granted I felt no pain at all but it still freaks me out.

Then Dentist Lady is all “oh wow you’re doing so good” and I was all “I wish laying down was a major cause I would have gotten a Masters Degree in that ish!” but instead I mumble around all the tools in my mouth.  They sit me up and there’s not a drop of anything on that little napkin they put on you! Woo!

The next step is to go see Regular Dentist to get this temporary filling or whatever taken out and replaced with a permanent filling.  It’s like the damn New Deal! But whatever I just want to eat steak and/or candy with no issues.  Jeezus.